...and I don't mean the marijuana type. A golden goat is the unique dilemma of having been both a scapegoat and a golden child in a narcissistic family unit. Perhaps both parents are narcissistic, and each of them has chosen different children as their golden child and scapegoat. Or maybe this is a result of being an only child of narcissistic parents, and the child ends up playing both roles. However it happens, the inner cacophony and cognitive dissonance that follow lead to the same place: a split in identity that results in a fractured self and subsequent existential crisis. On one hand, there is a need to always perform to perfection. On the other, all accomplishments feel dull and unimportant. There may be a sense of danger emanating from one parent, while there is merely an artificial sense of safety from the other that is loaded with expectations. Take the feeling that you are all bad and all wrong (which comes from being chronically devalued), combine it with some impaired empathy and the belief that you can get away with anything (which comes from parental favoritism and preferential treatment), and the seeds of narcissism are planted within the child's developing personality. Wise Mind, a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), may have something to offer in these circumstances. Wise Mind involves reaching your wiser, intuitive self, by balancing your emotional mind with your reasonable mind. When someone is suffering from fractured identity or disconnection from the self due to narcissistic abuse, it is helpful to have a way to access one's authentic wisdom. If a narcissistic parent has projected an inauthentic identity onto the child, the healthy sense of self has not had a chance to grow and develop. Reconnecting with this true self, via Wise Mind, is a potential therapy concept to explore with survivors of narcissistic abuse. There are grounding techniques in DBT that can help with feelings of dissociation. In addition, DBT's Interpersonal component involves balancing the needs of self with the needs of others. The use of dialectical philosophy, or balancing and synthesizing opposites, is highly applicable in the case of someone who has endured being both a scapegoat and golden child, or as I have called it here, the golden goat.
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AuthorI am an artist and a social worker. Disclaimer: The ideas on this site are not meant to replace clinical care. If you are having a mental health emergency, please call 911 or your local Crisis Services provider. ArchivesCategories |